Soulja Boy Don't Tell Em... PLEASE!

""shout out to the slave masters. without them, we'd still be in africa." - soulja boy."

please blog about this!

I got this in my inbox and I sighed a huge sigh which if you know anything about me and how I like to go on may seem a little odd. This has all the things that I like to blog about: race, stupidity, hot messedness, and of course, Soulja Boy Tell Em shananigans. I know you've never seen these posts my friends, this is what draft and private entries are for. There are some things I can't let loose and one of those things is my utter fascination with SBTE.

First off, that name! What is that all about? Why not just Soulja Boy? And while the spelling is cutesy (I half expected an "i" in place of the "y" in "Boy"), it's pretty ineffectual as Soulja Boy Tell Em has the least soulful sound in Hip-Hop. His voice is dulcet and monotone and you can never really tell when he's happy, when he's mad, or anything. Maybe this is to do with him being a "Soulja" and stone cold and anonymous with his emotions, but I gather it's more to do with him being an idiot.

That said, his songs are catchy as crap. Yes, I did the Soulja Boy and asked every within earshot, "Excuse me sir, but might I ask? Why me you crank that Soulja Boy?" and though met with groans of disappointment or restraining order glances, I never gave up. Y'all know me, if there is a fad afoot, I will run it into the ground. I got silly until the wheels fell off! I had a donk! I... I don't know, whatever other Soulja Boy stuff was out? I did it.

And it was fun, I can't deny it, but that's how I am with candy rappers. They entertain me in brief, fixated segments and then they melt into the background until the next time. Several past entertainers have followed this code with great success. Lil Jon, Mike Jones, EVERYTHING by Plies! They do their music and they shut up and they go home and roll in the money that I inevitably dig out for them. Most importantly though, THEY DON'T TALK!

And this is where the beef between Soulja Boy Tell Em and I start. Now granted, most of it is complete garbage. His and Ice Tea's battle mainly consisted of the following:

Ice Tea: Man, even though I had one major rap song out, that was kind of terrible. And even though I pretty much put heavy metal into everything. And even though I'm a pimp and haven't even listened to Hip Hop in 30 years. That Soulja Boy? He's trash!

Soulja Boy: Yeah? Well Ice Tea is old! Old #%$ #$T%$#!!! He's old! You should be called luke warm tea!

Soulja Boy's Posse: Yeah! Heh, old, heh, old, heh, yeah, we'rewastingourlives old!

Ice Tea: He said what? What's the internets? My arthritis is actin' up. Where's Coco? Tell her to bring my inhaler. Where am I?

Soulja Boy: Shut up old man!

And aside from dissing one of the most awesome video games ever (or so I was told by Phil, my awesome coworker), he's been pretty harmless. Then he comes out with this mess:

...Then came Soulja Boy Tell Em. I asked him, “What historical figure do you most hate?” He was stumped. I said, “Others have said Hitler, bin Laden, the slave masters …” He said, “Oh wait! Hold up! Shout out to the slave masters! Without them we’d still be in Africa! We wouldn't be here to get this ice and tattoos."

Nigga what?! Where you think the ice you got on your fingers come from you simple jack lookin' motherf-

And this is why I couldn't talk about it. Because I descent in slave era pejoratives and nonsensical justifications. I can barely even finish this post because the only thing sadder than Soulja Boy Tell Em saying this mess, is the fact that it's a pretty viral estimation of the black experience in America. From blacks more than whites it seems!

This weird bass ackwards estimation that even though slavery was awful and the ramifications from it can still be felt today, somehow we should be thankful we're in effing America and not in Africa where you guys? Things are hard!

Nope, there's no wealth or culture in Africa. You've seen the TV spots with poor demaciated children from Africa, that could be you! But you know what could also be you? The poor demaciated child in Detroit. Or the kid whose family can't afford health care in Vermont. Or the family in frickin' Idaho that lost their house.

I just... it just pisses me off beyond all else that someone who inhabits the small percentage of ridiculously wealthy Americans has the hott mess nerve to attribute that to slavery! Are you kidding me? The holy hell Soulja Boy!? You came from effing nothing and the second you get some money you tie that success to being in America due to slavery?! How did this happen? How did we get here? How did we lose utter and complete sight of HOW THINGS ARE that we're making up ridiculous self mocking notions of WHO WE ARE and WHERE WE COME FROM?

When did we start looking as the positive aspects of slavery and who gave permission to start talking about them? Because honestly people? Without slavery? BLACK PEOPLE WOULD STILL BE HERE! Except maybe we would have come over as doctors and lawyers and business people. Maybe we would have our own sections of the city where people would come to experience our culture and marvel about how their lives were enrichened by our presence. Maybe we'd be multilingual. Maybe we'd have a strong tie to our roots and maybe our family trees wouldn't stop at "A plantation somewhere in Georgia".

Maybe we'd be proud and industrious and maybe we'd be the richest of the rich and wear bling and tattoos instead of welts and brands. Maybe. Probably. Who knows? What I do know is that I'm at the end of my rope when it comes to suffering that much concentrated foolishness, but I'm at the beginning of being able to do anything about it. Our youth is so out of touch and there are ways that's good. When it comes to respecting people on all levels and working togather and cooperating. But there are ways that are bad, when you open your mouth and spew the same nonsense that validates everything bad anyone has ever said about you in one fell swoop.

Is it out responsibility to school them? Sure, on a certain level, but since no one I know is that blindingly stupid, I'll just post my rant to you oh Vox, and you'll pass on the word, right?