Dear EVERYONE,
Ever, in the entire world. Yes you, and you, and Lord knows especially YOU! Please get the following statement into your heads and keep it there. Keep it right in front of your eyes as a constant reminder so I won't have to write a "Dear John" letter to the internets.
THE ONLY THING THAT BLACK PEOPLE (or People of Color, which is a term I made up evidently) ARE EVER GOING TO DO AS A WHOLE IS... (wait for it)... Here it comes.... ZOMGIZZLE UR GONNA BEE SOOOOZZZZEEE SUPRIZDED!!!!!...
BE BLACK!
Ta-Da! That's it! The only thing that we are required to do as a grouping in any way shape or form is BE BLACK! It's the only thing we're ever going to do as a consensus I kid you not.
You see EVERYONE, those annual "Black Folk Meetings" that y'all are so gung ho about? Oh you know, the ones where we elected Oprah as our Queen, Bill Cosby as our King, Rev Jesse Jackson as our Prince, and "Rev" Al Sharpton as the court jester? Yeah, didn't happen. It's a myth that was perpetrated by the additional myth that since we all have the same skin color, we also all have the same views on everything ever.
Now, now. I know where we misled you. This whole "Please stop discriminating against me based on my skin color!" thing? Kind of seems universal through the community, right? Like, the whole, "I would rather you not discount me because of my skin color. Especially if you're going to call me names or maybe arrest me or beat me or kill me because of it." thing really got y'all thinking, "Well, they seem to be really united under that front, they must have had a meeting about it sometime. Is that what the Million Man March was for? Honey, remember the Million Man march, did Jamall from next door go to that? Ask him if there was a meeting! There had to be a meeting."
Y'all? There wasn't. It's not kismet, or like, secret adapted twin language. It's just that -and I know this is going to freak you out, but still go with it- pretty much everyone in the world ever feels that way. I know, I know, but you see in addition to being "People of Color" (patent pending hoes!) we are also human. It's not just this years theme on Scrubs, it's an actual thing.
So as a whole, the only thing we as human beings who happen to be classified under a specific skin color have to do is... be that specific skin color until it doesn't matter in a negative way anymore. Seriously.
"So what does this mean for me?" you ask? Well, dearly beloved reader, what this means for you is that black people as a whole will never do any of the following:
1. Agree on the who/what/when/where/why/ and hows of THE N WORD
2. Vote Democrat/Republic or at all for that matter
3. Agree on a candidate
4. Figure out a replacement for reparations
5. Go to school
6. Be good citizens
7. Be violent and aggressive
8. Be passive and coddling
9. Forgive YOU
10. Trust YOU
11. Like YOU
12. Love YOU
13. Earn lots of money
14. Be poor
15. Use Affirmative Action
16. Believe in God
17. Care about racism
18. Care about other black people
19. Know other black people in your general area
20. Elect a "leader"
21. Like Jazz/Hip Hop/R&B exclusively
22. Love Denzel (I know, that's even hard for me to accept, but it's true)
Now I'm not completely unsympathetic. I realize that it seems like an oxymoron to have to adjust your behaviors for the betterment of an entire race of people who just can't seem to make our minds up about anything (silly us!), but really, the end of racism and discrimination isn't a give and take process.
I've been reading the reviews to my Dearest Whitefolk post by some people I had debate with and others who read but didn't comment until later. After wading through the general "SHE IS A CRAZY RACIST HERSELF SO THERE!" comments and the oddly interesting "I'm going to use this entire post to be snarky and overtly racist and then wonder why she wasn't more milquetoast and We Are the World about her rant against the very thing I'm doing right now and you know what, let's go get my ethnic husband involved because the best way to find out whether I'm racist or not is by asking the "POC" (c) that married me if I am" line of reasoning that was suspiciously common and in more than one review, I've noticed this new trend in racial processing reasoning.
...Sure, I'll agree to not be racist, but in return you have to do it my way. First, come to a freaking consensus on the word NIGGER. Yes, I said it. I am above the age of 21 and it's a silly word. If you can't figure it out why should I? Secondly, umm, we're giving you like, all free schooling? Take it and get a job. Also, I don't want any more of you people being mean to me. I'm working hard not to hate you as it is, cut me some effing slack. Once that's done, then I'll decide what I'll do to help fight racism, though by that time we'll all be equal right, so I won't have to do anything? Oh, I shouldn't have told you that part, right? That we're all just waiting for you to get over it? Yeah...
Yeah EVERYONE, not gonna happen. Least not while I still have ten fingers and enough skills to pump it out. Each and every single person needs to be dedicated to truly understanding racism. To understanding that seeming oxymorons are going to exist and sometimes the actions that we take to benefit others aren't going to be appreciated, recognized, or even wanted across the board and yet if you know you have the power to change things you should. People of Color, racial minorities, blackfolk, niggers, whatever, don't owe you any kind of explanation for why you shouldn't be racist holes. You don't get to have your racism excused because a black person was mean to you, especially when your racism affects several who were not.
And yes, this goes to white people especially. Those who still don't believe in white privilege or that anything they do has a reaction or better yet, thinks they are not being racist by not considering people of color because to consider them would be racist itself (oh the emails I've received...). It's not that hard to not be a racist jerk, seriously. And you're setting yourself up pretty well on the other side if you're actively trying not to be a racist jerk if you believe in that kind of thing. And if you don't, do you really want to be 85 in a rocking chair mumbling, "I'm NOT A RACIST!" under your breath? Then work to end it now so you won't have to. That's the end of it.
Love, Stix
ps. I know at least one of the people mentioned in this post is going to burst at the seams about what I wrote, but I stand by it and I'm not afraid to defend it so if you want to "debate" about it some more, bring it on. If not, that's cool too. Won't make you any less of a racial discriminator, but it might make you feel better about yourself, and really, that's what this is all about, right? Me making you feel good about yourself and nothing else. Nope. not a bigger picture to be seen!
Next up: My Mom says the word
"shit" a record number of times, but in the most literal sense of the
word, and the existence of God is simultaneously proven and disproved
during the process. Also, 7 (or 8? Was it 8?) wonderfully weird things
about me.
And yes, just 8! You whores.
