5 posts tagged “hot mess”

FLY ABOVE ALL THE DRAMA (AKA THE SINCE EVERYONE IS MAKING POSTS...POST)
AND THE MOD ELECTIONS ARE BEING HELD UP I'D FIGURE I'D GIVE MY $.02

I WAS IN NO WAY INVOLVED WITH THE SEKRIT COMM, AND MORE THAN LIKELY NEITHER WERE ANY OF THE OTHER APPLICANTS WHO I'M SURE HAVE ALL BEEN ACCUSED ALSO. I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT WHEN IT WERE OPEN THEY'D PROBABLY BE TALKING ABOUT ME, BUT I'M PROBABLY NOT ON THEIR RADAR.

THE PEOPLE ON THEIR RADAR? LOUD, OPINIONATED, SMART, BEAUTIFUL, SNARKY, AND UNFEARING. IF YOU WERE TALKED ABOUT IN THAT COMM IT'S BECAUSE YOU WERE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING THAT THE MEMBERS OF THAT COMM HATED AND THAT WAS TAKE THE ATTENTION OFF OF THEM FOR MORE THAN FIVE SECONDS.(

(EDIT: I JUST HEARD I MAY HAVE BEEN PROMOTED, BUT WHEN IT'S AT SOMEONE ELSE'S EXPENSE? NOT PROMOTION, JUST DEMOTION OF THE OTHER. I'M STILL NOT SURE ON THE DETAILS, BUT THAT'S THE INITIAL REACTION)

AND DON'T COME AT ME WITH "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT" BECAUSE IN KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. SOMEONE ASKED ME ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE AND I'M GOING TO TELL YOU IT.

SOME OF YOU KNOW TWOP, BUT DO SOME OF YOU KNOW ABOUT TWOP SUCKS (NOW BITTER BUT BRILLIANT)? I WAS A HUGE JACOB SUPPORTER AND WOULD KISS HIS BUTT ALL UP AND DOWN THE TWOP BOARDS. ONE DAY A FRIEND SENT ME A LINK TO TWOP SUCKS AND I SAW PEOPLE SAYING THE MOST HATEFUL AND HURTFUL THINGS ABOUT YOURS TRULY.

IT WAS BAD (REAL BAD MICHAEL JACKSON) AND THEN I GOT MAD (REAL MAD JOE JACKSON) AND THEN? I REALIZED THEY HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS! THEIR OPINION OF ME WAS BASED ON A FEW STATEMENTS MADE ON A SITE THAT I BASICALLY LIVED AT, BUT IT WAS COMPLETELY ONE DIMENSIONAL. SO I JOINED, ANSWERED SOME QUESTIONS FROM THE HATERS, AND MADE SOME REALLY COOL FRIENDS THAT I STILL TALK TO THIS DAY.

DURING MY TIME THERE WE BEGAN TO QUESTION THE REGIME. THE VERY THINGS WE WERE HATING ON TWOPPERS FOR (OH YEAH, I JOINED IN AFTER A WHILE, SHUT UP, I WAS YOUNG! BESIDES, IT WAS MOSTLY TO HATE ON JACOB HATERS, HEH) WE WERE DOING OURSELVES. SO I GOT AN INVITE TO TWOP SUCKS SUCK AKA LYLE LOVETT'S NEEDS (INORITE). THERE, THE JACOB LOVERS HATED ON THE JACOB HATERS THAT HATED ON THE JACOB LOVERS (DON'T THINK IT CAN'T GET MORE META PEOPLE, CAUSE IT GOT EVEN MORE META BUT THAT COMES LATER) AND WE TALKED ABOUT GASBAG MEMBERS WHO WE DIDN'T LIKE.

LATER IN I'D CREATED A JACOB FAN FORUM (DID I MENTION I WAS CRAZY FOR A WHILE? AND YOUNG? AND MAY HAVE BEEN WELL INTO MY 20'S WHEN THIS HAPPENED?) AND A FEW SPLINTER MEMBERS FROM TSS/LLN WERE MEMBERS. WE HAD A HIDDEN FORUM WHERE WE JUST TALKED TRASH ABOUT THE ENTIRE SITUATION. IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF FUNNY HOW SIMLAR ALL OF THIS IS, THERE WAS A SOUTHERN SASSY BELL, A GAY GUY, A MOMMY BLOGGER, A RESPLENDENT FOREIGNER, AND A DISGRUNTLED HOUSEWIFE!

WE MOSTLY JUST RAN AROUND BEING JERKS IN THE PRIVACY OF OUR OWN FORUM WHEN SOMEONE IN THE GROUP HAPPENED UPON SOME CACHED PAGES FROM THE MOD COMM OF TWOPSUCKS. THEY EXPOSED THE MEMBERS AS HAVING GHOSTNICS AND SOCKPUPPETS ON THEIR OWN BOARDS! THEY WOULD POST AS THEIR SOCK AGREERING WITH SOMEONE AND THEN COME IN AS A MOD BANISHING EVERYONE. INSANITY, RIGHT?

I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS FAIR TO HAVE THIS INFO AND NOT GIVE IT TO THE BOARD AND ONE OTHER GIRL AGREED WITH ME. WE WANTED TO RELEASE IT. THE REST OF THE GROUP (ABOUT 5 OTHERS) DIDN'T WANT TO AND THEY WERE VOCAL BUT NOT REALLY BEYOND "YOU GUYS WE SHOULDN'T DO THIS, THIS IS BAD!" WHAT TRANSPIRED NEXT IS WHAT I SEE HAPPENING HERE AND BASICALLY RATTLED MY WORLD.

INSTEAD OF CONTINUING TO TALK ABOUT IT, THE SPLINTER GROUP DECIDED TO START A GMAIL THREAD (TOLD YOU, MORE META!) WHERE THEY CALLED ME EVERYTHING BUT A CHILD OF GOD. DURING THIS TIME I HAD A LOT OF PROJECTS IN THE MIX AND THEY ANALYZED EVERY ACTION I TOOK AS SOMETHING TO OUT THEM AND DERAIL THEM AND SELL THEIR SECRETS TO THE KGB OR WHATEVER. ONE OF THEM EMAILED ME THE THREAD (AND THEN LATER ONE OF THEM ACCUSED ME OF HACKING INTO THEIR EMAIL ACCOUNT TO GET IT) AND WHEN CONFRONTED ONLY ONE GIRL DECIDED TO TAKE THE HEAT OF MY WRATH (Y'ALL, IT WAS ON MY BIRTHDAY Y'ALL!). SHE ASKED ME TO EXPLAIN MY ACTIONS AND I DID TO THE VERY DETAIL AND SHE BELIEVED ME. SHE ADMITTED SHE GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE CRAZY AND I FORGAVE HER AND WE'RE STILL E-COOL TO THIS DAY. SOME OF THEM APOLOGIZED AND WE'RE GRAVY, AND SOME I HAVEN'T TALKED TO SINCE.

DON'T THINK ALL OF THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. HONESTLY, I GET WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT YOU, BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO GET A THICKER SKIN ON THE WEBS. WHO CARES? THEY DON'T KNOW YOU AND 9 TIMES OUT OF 10 THE THINGS THEY SAY HAVE NOTHIN TO DO WITH YOU! I HAD A GIRL SAY I CAUSED HER TO GET A REPRIMAND AT WORK BECAUSE SHE WAS TAKING TOO MUCH TIME WADING THROUGH MY BS! UMM... INTROSPECTION MUCH?

FLY ABOVE THE HATE! STRUT! SOME AWESOME LYRIC FROM A KRIS SONG! FRIDAY I'LL BE OVER YOU!

BUT WE NEED TO HUNKER DOWN AS A COMM AND DECIDE WHAT WE WANT TO BE AND HOW TO GET THERE. AND WE CAN'T DO THAT IF WE CAN'T GO THROUGH A SINGLE NIGHT OF PETTY DRAMA. BREATH BEFORE TAKING ACTION. LEARN TO LOOK AT AN ENTIRE SITUATION AND NOT JUST THE PART THAT EFFECTS YOU. LEARN HOW TO PUT YOUR PERSONAL FEELINGS AND FRIENDSHIPS ASIDE FOR THE GREATER GOOD WHEN NECESSARY. LEARN HOW TO BE HATED, HOW TO LOSE FRIENDSHIPS, HOW TO MAKE TOUGH DECISIONS AND HOW TO STICK BY THEM.

I'M GOING TO FLOCK THIS, SO PLEASE, OTHER APPLICANTS USE THIS AS YOUR WAY TO CLEAR YOUR NAME IF NECESSARY. MEMBERS, USE THIS AS A WAY TO VENT AND GET OUT WHAT YOU WANT. SAY WHATEVER, I DON'T CARE, BUT SAY IT AND THEN LEAVE IT SO WE CAN MOVE ON. NO, I'M NOT A MOD AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL BE AT THIS POINT, BUT I LOVE THIS COMM TOO MUCH TO SEE IT BURN DOWN. I'VE SEEN THAT BEFORE AND IT'S NUTS, BUT IT IS PREVENTABLE. LET'S PREVENT IT.

I LOVE YOU GUYS. NOW I'M GOING TO SHOWER!

""shout out to the slave masters. without them, we'd still be in africa." - soulja boy."

please blog about this!

I got this in my inbox and I sighed a huge sigh which if you know anything about me and how I like to go on may seem a little odd. This has all the things that I like to blog about: race, stupidity, hot messedness, and of course, Soulja Boy Tell Em shananigans. I know you've never seen these posts my friends, this is what draft and private entries are for. There are some things I can't let loose and one of those things is my utter fascination with SBTE.

First off, that name! What is that all about? Why not just Soulja Boy? And while the spelling is cutesy (I half expected an "i" in place of the "y" in "Boy"), it's pretty ineffectual as Soulja Boy Tell Em has the least soulful sound in Hip-Hop. His voice is dulcet and monotone and you can never really tell when he's happy, when he's mad, or anything. Maybe this is to do with him being a "Soulja" and stone cold and anonymous with his emotions, but I gather it's more to do with him being an idiot.

That said, his songs are catchy as crap. Yes, I did the Soulja Boy and asked every within earshot, "Excuse me sir, but might I ask? Why me you crank that Soulja Boy?" and though met with groans of disappointment or restraining order glances, I never gave up. Y'all know me, if there is a fad afoot, I will run it into the ground. I got silly until the wheels fell off! I had a donk! I... I don't know, whatever other Soulja Boy stuff was out? I did it.

And it was fun, I can't deny it, but that's how I am with candy rappers. They entertain me in brief, fixated segments and then they melt into the background until the next time. Several past entertainers have followed this code with great success. Lil Jon, Mike Jones, EVERYTHING by Plies! They do their music and they shut up and they go home and roll in the money that I inevitably dig out for them. Most importantly though, THEY DON'T TALK!

And this is where the beef between Soulja Boy Tell Em and I start. Now granted, most of it is complete garbage. His and Ice Tea's battle mainly consisted of the following:

Ice Tea: Man, even though I had one major rap song out, that was kind of terrible. And even though I pretty much put heavy metal into everything. And even though I'm a pimp and haven't even listened to Hip Hop in 30 years. That Soulja Boy? He's trash!

Soulja Boy: Yeah? Well Ice Tea is old! Old #%$ #$T%$#!!! He's old! You should be called luke warm tea!

Soulja Boy's Posse: Yeah! Heh, old, heh, old, heh, yeah, we'rewastingourlives old!

Ice Tea: He said what? What's the internets? My arthritis is actin' up. Where's Coco? Tell her to bring my inhaler. Where am I?

Soulja Boy: Shut up old man!

And aside from dissing one of the most awesome video games ever (or so I was told by Phil, my awesome coworker), he's been pretty harmless. Then he comes out with this mess:

...Then came Soulja Boy Tell Em. I asked him, “What historical figure do you most hate?” He was stumped. I said, “Others have said Hitler, bin Laden, the slave masters …” He said, “Oh wait! Hold up! Shout out to the slave masters! Without them we’d still be in Africa! We wouldn't be here to get this ice and tattoos."

Nigga what?! Where you think the ice you got on your fingers come from you simple jack lookin' motherf-

And this is why I couldn't talk about it. Because I descent in slave era pejoratives and nonsensical justifications. I can barely even finish this post because the only thing sadder than Soulja Boy Tell Em saying this mess, is the fact that it's a pretty viral estimation of the black experience in America. From blacks more than whites it seems!

This weird bass ackwards estimation that even though slavery was awful and the ramifications from it can still be felt today, somehow we should be thankful we're in effing America and not in Africa where you guys? Things are hard!

Nope, there's no wealth or culture in Africa. You've seen the TV spots with poor demaciated children from Africa, that could be you! But you know what could also be you? The poor demaciated child in Detroit. Or the kid whose family can't afford health care in Vermont. Or the family in frickin' Idaho that lost their house.

I just... it just pisses me off beyond all else that someone who inhabits the small percentage of ridiculously wealthy Americans has the hott mess nerve to attribute that to slavery! Are you kidding me? The holy hell Soulja Boy!? You came from effing nothing and the second you get some money you tie that success to being in America due to slavery?! How did this happen? How did we get here? How did we lose utter and complete sight of HOW THINGS ARE that we're making up ridiculous self mocking notions of WHO WE ARE and WHERE WE COME FROM?

When did we start looking as the positive aspects of slavery and who gave permission to start talking about them? Because honestly people? Without slavery? BLACK PEOPLE WOULD STILL BE HERE! Except maybe we would have come over as doctors and lawyers and business people. Maybe we would have our own sections of the city where people would come to experience our culture and marvel about how their lives were enrichened by our presence. Maybe we'd be multilingual. Maybe we'd have a strong tie to our roots and maybe our family trees wouldn't stop at "A plantation somewhere in Georgia".

Maybe we'd be proud and industrious and maybe we'd be the richest of the rich and wear bling and tattoos instead of welts and brands. Maybe. Probably. Who knows? What I do know is that I'm at the end of my rope when it comes to suffering that much concentrated foolishness, but I'm at the beginning of being able to do anything about it. Our youth is so out of touch and there are ways that's good. When it comes to respecting people on all levels and working togather and cooperating. But there are ways that are bad, when you open your mouth and spew the same nonsense that validates everything bad anyone has ever said about you in one fell swoop.

Is it out responsibility to school them? Sure, on a certain level, but since no one I know is that blindingly stupid, I'll just post my rant to you oh Vox, and you'll pass on the word, right?

Who's the most annoying person on TV?

The club chick and her friend on the Yaz commercials.  I swear to God I want to slap all of them very hard upside their faces and tell them to shut up shut up and then to shut up.  You are not a unique and special butterfly with a period that is so unusual it requires a prescription.  And you are KILLING MY CLUB BUZZ!  There's a reason your friends haven't seen you in a while, it's because they were sick of your CRAP and stopped calling!  You didn't have to decrease your plan because more of your friends go Sprint, it was because no one wanted to hear about your wacky periods!

I present to you:

AHHHHHH!!!

Cute Well-Meaning Blonde:  Hi guys!  I know I haven't been here in a while, everyone pay attention to me while I tell you why!

Cute Well-Meaning Blonde:  Periods suck and they're like totally hard!  Men have it so easy, HA HA HA!  So I said "Screw you period!  I'm going on the pill!  It's called Yaz!  Yaz pwns your balls for serious!"  And then I went out later and-

Annoying:  DID SOMEONE SAY YAZ?!?

Annoying:  BLAH BLAH BLAH YAZ YAZ YAZ MENSTU-AL! MENSTRU-AL!

Black Girl:  (oh no she did not just cut blonde off, she must not know blonde is crazy...)

Cute Well-Meaning Crazy Blonde:  (*stabbity* I WILL CUT YOU *stabbity*)

Fin.

When was the last time you had to speak in front of a group?  How did you feel?

I haven't needed to speak professionally in quite sometime, but lately I've been speaking to various groups of people about my trip to Austin a couple of weeks ago (it doesn't seem like it's been that long!).  One story that always comes up though is my best friend Nina's "Reggie from the hardware store" story. 

And that story goes like this:

 "Girl!  Guess who just called me?"

"Who?"

"Reggie from the hardware store!"

"Who?"

"Girl..."

One thing to know about Nina is that she's a very artistic girl.  It seems to run in her family as all of her siblings have some artistic venue in which they exceed.  Nina is first and foremost an actress, an entertainer really, and she demands that her surroundings be as colorful and vibrant as she is.  So after her graduation and subsequent move to DC, Nina decided she was going to make DC feel like home, and she would start with her new apartment.  She has a knack for construction so was often seen at the local hardware store where supplies and inspiration were it's most valuable exports.  The peddler of these wares?  Reggie.

Now Reggie was a very nice man and helped Juanita get her household in order.  They developed such a rapport that they exchanged numbers and promised to keep in touch even after Juanita's projects were done.  Well some time passed and in April Juanita received a call from Reggie,

"Ay, Juanita?"

"Yeah, who's this?"

"This Reggie from the hardware store!"

"Oh hey.  Umm, how are you?"

"I'm good, good."

"Alright."

"Yeah."

I'll spare you the rest of their scintillating conversation, but know that it ended with a very awkward invitation to Nina's birthday party later that month.  She didn't hear from him again until the day of the party where he calls a total of three times,

"Hey Nita, wha'ts up?  This Reggie from the hardware store!"

"Oh, hey Reggie."

"Yeah, I was just letting you know I was still coming."

"Okay, see you soon."

***

"Hey Nita, this Reggie!  Hey, do I need to bring anything?"

"Nope, just yourself."

"Alright, I'll see you soon then."

"Okay Reggie.  Bye."

***

"Hey girl, this Reggie!  Hey, what's the dress code?"

"Reggie, I don't care, just wear whatever."

"Oh!  Alright, I'll be there in just a few minutes."

Do I have to tell you that he didn't show up?  Good, I'm glad you followed along with that. The next day Juanita received a call from Reggie saying essentially that he was not at the party last night.  Juanita confirmed his absense and after a slight silence bid our Reggie adieu.

So a couple of months pass and Juanita receives the following call:

"Hey Juanita, remember me?  It's Reggie from the hardware store!"

"Oh, hey Reggie.  It's been a while, how are you?"

"Not good."

And our Reggie was indeed not good.  Evidently his mother was on oxygen and either ran out (yeah), or the machine broke.  The details of this problem aren't important, what is important is that it evidently cost $110 to fix.  How do we know this my dear readers?  Well, it's how much he asked Juanita for.. naturally.

"Reggie, you don't have any friends or family that could help you with this?"

"Huh?"

"You don't have any friends or family that could help you with this?"

"What, now?"

"YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY FRIENDS, OR FAMILY, THAT CAN HELP YOU IN THIS ENDEAVOR?"

"Aw, naw, they beefin'."

"To the point that they're going to let your mama die over it?"

*click*

A few days later Juanita receives a text message at work:

"hey nita. sry bout te other day.  my fon was all f$##@ up.  anyhoe i dont need $110, just $75 when do you get off?"

Now Nina has told me that she never uses text messaging, but sometimes necessity outweighs force of habit.  She redied her thumbs on the keys of her phone and typed the following:

"Reggie.  I cannot give you the help you need.  But I will pray for you."

That's my girl.  Keeping crackheads at bay one hardware store worker at a time. 

This video is a HOT MESS.  First off, you ain't all that girl!  Secondly, whoever wrote this song needs to be shot for these little 2nd grade lyrics ("He knows... and he knows it well."), and thirdly, is that Teddy Geiger?  Heh.